Crossing to other side of Reality
“Relationship is all about Love, maturity and compromise”.
…. buf akpan
“We cannot hold our love, but there is one Love that never changeth or is mistaken, and that is God’s. The longer we hold our love, the nearer we approach like our creator”
… Marcus Garvey
I have programmed myself that I will only be able to paint the true picture of this thought only when I drift into relationship a bit, even though relationship is the main reason people suffer or feel those negative emotions; forgive me, but you can’t but grow up.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe our greatest pains comes from someone we care so much about and at times the only solution we have to offer is just to sit down and shed tears which helps in releasing those accumulated negative emotions. It could be hard breaking up from someone you know you caused the situation that lead to the brake up. It is hard to believe these days that fidelity is still living with us. Someone told me that, it is hard to erase the fact that one’s fiancée can be without anyone out there she really admires and would have actually decided getting married to if she had met him/her before you: it is hard to believe one can actually find faithfulness in relationship even as the bible really said it: “a faithful man who can find?”
My friend, during my graduate program told me about his fiancée he cares so much about, but will always believe to be a liar anytime she mentions she’s seeing no one else. Many of us remain faithful to our partners because the bible requires us to, but do not think it actually should come from the heart, which explains why we sometimes give into those evil pressures and we end up trying to explain how it happened to our faithful partner that might not have the heart to continue because of memories that are hard to forget even when we forgive because of the way man was made.
I have heard about men that have succeeded in all areas of life even spiritually but have not been able to put together a good home and when thought is given to it, tears slid down their face.
I have been in situations where I tell myself “it ‘ad better be a dream”; situations so tensed that I feel like flying away. Many times not even messages could stop my tears from flowing but even encourages reason to shed more and someone will say I don’t listen to the right kind of message, forgetting that most of us run away from some realities that can’t be denied. These realities is what I really want us to look into without deceiving ourselves in any form; deceiving ourselves in this regard, means running away from opening our hearts to the truth and facts around us rather than look for those kind of relationships presented to us by Nollywood, Bolywood and Hollywood which is only real in our memory. Care should however be taking at this stage because my key interest is to encourage continuity in our relationships which I know is very easy to attain depending on our frames of minds instead of suffering from those negative emotions Anthony Rubbings introduced to us as action signals in his book Awakening The Giant Within.
If given a very good consideration, many of us will discover our greatest moment of difficulty has been the moment we discover we hard to forgive a partner, not the offense but to imagine the fact that we have to continue the relationship; the release so difficult to let go, I have heard so many say “God will understand why I can’t forgive her/him, I have actually tried to tolerate her/him”.
There was a time my family was actually at the verge of collapsing because my father was compelled to take to himself the wife of his late brother even after six children and mama (my mom) couldn’t even imagine it less of bearing it and when the whole pressure from different members of the family reduced and mama hard already gone back to her parents house in the village and my dad sought for a reconciliation; I stood by the window and was watching daddy and could imagine how he felt the day I heard Angel by the West Life group. Read the Lyrics yourself:
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there’s always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and may be
I’ll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endless that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent revive
you’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here.
So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there’s vultures and thieves at your back
the storms keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don’t make no difference
escaping one last time
it’s easier to believe in this sweet madness Oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees.
In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endless that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent revive
you’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
you’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
Mama left a day before and then was when my dad realized he’d been wrong ever considering giving in to the pressure from the family. Thank God I woke up from the nightmare and we became the one big family we have always being; I have heard many more deteriorating and discouraging argument but you will on another minute see them smiling again to each other even though they create an impression to us, the children, they don’t have misunderstanding because they prefer choosing dieing in their hurt rather than letting us grow up with the memories that marriage is full of most days of argument rather than companionship.
I defined what marriage means in my book When God Seems To Be A Fool and I will briefly describe what it means here again; most of us are so familiar with the common definition of marriage but have never sat down to consider why that definition was chosen. We all know marriage is the union of a man and woman coming together as husband and wife, which mean agreeing to one purpose. In life and in the process of going after this purpose distractions must always be encountered because it is always difficult to build but very easy to destroy. The goal of that union is often the target of those distractions and not the union itself, that’s why most people fail in marriage; most people feel they’ve achieved most to be achieved, so a woman should come in, with the mind that the moment she misbehaves, there’s an option “divorce”, but the couples that get married to each other for the purpose of growing together in pursuit of a goal seems to succeed more because the success of that union determines the success of the goal they pursue and the only way that goal can be defeated is when couples give into the distractions that leads to a breakup and whenever this is not achieved, the goal or purpose often face attack itself, consider it.
I am only interested in those situations most of us need to outgrow which will prepare us for a better relationships and my major interest here, I think will be understood the moment you read the following story and I know mama (my mom) will be very surprise when she eventually get to read this thought:
During my graduate programme, I went to see mama in her small kiosk where she sells to support dad in making sure we all go to school (the children) and I met a man who gave me what I requested for (money) from mama but could not imagine a man can still want to go out with a mother of eight who was not looking too good because every money she got was spent on our education and left none to take care of herself, but the day I discovered my mom was been pressurized by this same man I know his family very well; I saw the reason to appreciate mama the more and lost the respect I had for this same man.
My interest here is to let us know that there are times we sometimes face pressures that are so tempting and the only way we can escape them is just to stop building on situations that could encourage infidelity, be sincere to God and your partner; I can remember a day I was going home and on my way I met a beautiful lady I couldn’t take my eyes off, not because of the way she was dressed, but because I felt something within, my body leaped, hmmm! It’s not what you think, it wouldn’t have being God. But I also noticed she couldn’t take her eyes off me until we were both out of each others sight. I have found myself with different ladies at different times and noticed I have feelings for them. We need to be sincere with ourselves because running away from life itself, but at every time this has happened, I have told myself; “hay boy, you have a chioce to make, either to build on that contact that brought about the feelings or decides to continue being loyal to the closets Being to your heart”, and now thinking the closets being to my heart will not be pressurized by someone out there who also desire a good woman proverbs 31 describes will only amount to not been sincere with myself. I have discovered that I am kind of attractive, even when I had nothing my countenance, look is somehow tempting; a lady once told me, someone has also told me I eat in a seductive way, I mean you could imagine the kind of comment you can hear when you find yourself in some atmosphere and this is why I want individuals to start considering thinking over and over again whenever there is a need for a breakup. I believe partners have to start studying their partners in other to know their weakness and the best way is studying oneself before understanding that of our partners. I have told God once, “God I feel like having sex” and before I knew it that feeling disappear. And I ask myself these questions often; why will I give up a twenty years relationship? Why will I give up five years of labour for some kind of situations that have been confirmed to be mistakes? It is difficult experiencing such, don’t get me wrong. Am not interested in stupidity but seeing our partners the way God sees us is all I advocate and it is better we see our situations based on God’s judgment rather than leaning on our own understanding for all our situations and experiencing disappointment. You are a saint, your spouse is a saint but we have not all been perfected but we will someday. And in conclusion, a man or a woman that can not forgive can not live a pain free life which is all this thought advocate.
Buf akpan
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